Professor Matthew

Supervillain trailer.mov

2010-08-18T16:55:00.000-04:00

Supervillain commercial.mov

2010-08-14T00:23:00.001-04:00

Dr. Lobster's commercial.mov

2010-08-14T00:23:00.000-04:00

The Supervillain Project

2010-08-14T00:21:00.001-04:00

The videos that follow are my latest project. More to come.

Hope you enjoy.

Gluttony

2010-04-23T22:57:00.001-04:00

Andrew Miller comes to Flagler College

2010-03-26T10:26:00.002-04:00

In case you missed his presentation, Andrew Miller, owner of Andrew Miller Consulting, talked about turning your passion into a career with social media.

Here is a link to his blog discussing it.

Meet Neko

2010-02-12T23:15:00.003-05:00

This is the latest addition to our crazy little family. Her eyes are actually a beautiful blue. She's not possessed.

I promise.

Twitting

2010-02-03T09:41:00.001-05:00

I really am getting on a roll with this.

I know, ignoring one creative outlet for a different one.

Prof_Matthew

My Take: Video Game Review

2010-01-29T13:35:00.003-05:00

Anyone can tell you if you should play a game or not. What works and what doesn't. But while I'm very opinionated, does that sound educational? I'm all about the educational. So instead I'm going to focus on what I learned about the world and myself while playing a particular game.

First up, Batman: Arkham Asylum.

Batman is awesome. We all know that. Anybody who doubts this probably should not be my friend because I'm going to question your judgment on just about everything. Sure, I'm not as obsessed about him as some people. But I get the attraction. And that doesn't even bring Julie Newmar as Catwoman and her influence on me.

This game is the first I've played where you feel at least a little like you're putting on the cowl.

What I learned: Why would any human being actually live in Gotham if you had the chance or means to get the hell out? If you think crime is high in your city, at least it isn't so overrun with serial killers that the you need a psychotic just to try to keep them in line. Batman is the best case scenario. That's messed up, yo.

Think about it. Twins in Gotham? Targets. Rich people? Targets. Stand up comedians? Targets. Beautiful people? Targets. Birthday on a holiday? Target. Very smart? Target. Heck, have a love of hats? Target.

And this doesn't count the number of sociopaths who just target everybody.

Probably more folks don't leave because they can't get anyone stupid enough to take over their mortgages.

That said, this game is so much fun. Best Batman Game Ever. Mark Hamill rocks. Art is great. Final boss fight disappoints but getting there is more than worth it.

But it needs Catwoman.

Busy elsewhere

2010-01-25T10:15:00.003-05:00

No posts because I've been so busy expanding the fictional world I'm creating on Twitter.

Right now we're in the midst of some fictional job hunts, dealing with the aftermath of an attempted demon summoning, waiting on the unveiling of the engineering department's giant robot, and I'm about to start discussing the school's athletic endeavors.

Yes, I'm a nerd and easily amused. This is a surprise to you at this point?

I've got some video game "reviews" I'm going to post here soon. Once I finish my fourth play through of Borderlands that is.

Expanding the social media empire

2010-01-15T17:41:00.003-05:00

I've opened a twitter account.

It is for the life I should be leading.

Otherwise known as the life I am leading IN MY IMAGINATION........

Cause life is too short not to be entertaining.

A change is gonna come.

2010-01-06T20:12:00.003-05:00

So something happened last week.

I have technically one rule about this here blog thing. It can't threaten my jorb.

And in the comments on one of my posts someone guessed at where I work. Not that it is a huge secret (for some reason some of my students like to track it down hoping they are going to learn something huge about me. They leave disappointed. A big "hello" to those of you here now) but there's no reason to poke a hornet's nest. Let sleeping bears lie.*

Well, it is going to be even more disappointing for them from now one. No more posts about anything that happens at my current place of employment that could be read in any way critical or revealing or inappropriate. Because I actually love my job and want to keep doing it where I am.

I'm tired of moving if nothing else.

The one regret I have. I had a doozy of a comeback for the criticism leveled at me. Maybe I'll save it for when I retire. Or win powerball. Whichever comes first.

*Yes, bears. Who is scared of a sleeping dog? I poke my dog when she's sleeping all the time. It's funny. I also like it when she's running in her sleep. If you whisper things to her when she's doing it she sometimes runs faster.

Holiday story

2009-12-23T13:35:00.004-05:00

Tis the season and all that. So here is a story from my childhood.

One year my Grandma came to stay with us for Christmas. By that point in her life she slept maybe five hours a night. So she was in bed by ten and up by three or four in the morning.

So naturally she was up by the time myself and two of my sisters were awake. (At this point there were only two official Sisters of Professor Matthew. The Youngest was yet to join the party).

Somehow we convinced ourselves that rather than waiting the relatively reasonable amount of time for our parents to wake up that it would be acceptable for us to begin since with the presence of Grandma we had an adult observer. Surely that is all that is required on Christmas morn.

And somehow we convinced Grandma this must be true.

Shortly after we began opening the offerings under the tree, our mother struggled halfway down the steps. Not surprisingly, she was in no way full of Christmas cheer.

We were ordered to re-wrap all of our presents and then to return to our beds until released.

Let us just say that I was particularly ... enthusiastic that year about the unwrapping. And in case you were wondering it is a huge pain in the ass to try to cover presents when all that is left is scraps. It took a lot of time and tape just to get them up to half-assed.

Once my parents actually got up they took extra time preparing coffee before we were summoned from our rooms.

To this day I am still not sure how we decided that it was okay for us to unwrap without our parents there. And I am really not sure how we managed to trick our Grandma in to this (pretty shitty that we took advantage of an old lady like this).

So happy holidays to y'all.

And I'm sorry Grandma.

It needs to be said

2009-11-21T15:05:00.002-05:00

College football is way more fun to watch than grading papers.

I mean I know I'm being paid to do the grading so I better get it done. But some days I wish I taught in a field that only had objective grading. Teaching Math is probably hell, but there is something to be said for homework that only has one right answer and either you get it or you don't.

Here piggy, piggy, piggy

2009-11-15T13:23:00.002-05:00

Spoiler alert, this story may upset some people (if curiosity got the better of you M. then "hey there!").

So a Friend of Professor Matthew and her wife got a couple of cavies as pets (that's the technical name for guinea pigs. Now you've learned something). And that reminded me of a story from before I was Professor Matthew and was just Youngster Matthew.

The Sisters of Professor Matthew frequently had cavies as pets. So when Middle Sister of Professor Matthew asked for one as a present for her birthday one year, the Official Parents decided that she was old enough to handle the responsibility (which meant that she was old enough that Official Father would not end up doing all of the waste management).

Off to the pet store we went. Official Middle Sister picks one out. It gets brought home and put in a temporary home. We children observe it. Much speculation is made that it is acting odd. But if you've ever had a cavy as a pet you know that pea brained and nervous rodents. How can you describe them anything they do as odd? Odd is standard operating procedure.

Still, this one seemed "Just not quite right."

Next morning Official Older Sister and I are first up. We head to the kitchen for breakfast and also to check on the critter. It is not moving.

OOS: "I think its dead."

Me: "Nah, it's breathing."

"No, it's dead."

"It's asleep."

"You're wrong."

"I'll show you." And with that I scoop it up.

It was stiff. Dead long enough for rigor mortis to set in. I responded with something eloquent like "Glaaaah!" and dropped it.

To this day I will swear that it bounced a little.

For a sense of closure, I'm pretty sure that the corpse was taken back to the store and exchanged for a more "alive" one. I'm not sure if a receipt was necessary.

My life remains odd

2009-11-14T16:36:00.001-05:00

So why so few posts posts over the last few weeks? I got busy with real life stuff that would have made for some interesting posts if I could have made time for writing.

There was a Film Seminar on campus that I got busy helping with. I might do a post or link to that soon, still deciding. We had a visit from a different documentary filmmaker, Helen Whitney, that ended up providing me with some good ideas for an upcoming class. The Official Parents of Professor Matthew came to visit for a weekend and we managed to avoid any real fight, only one small loud disagreement that ended quickly. Anyone who knows of my relation the the Official Mother of Professor Matthew should be shocked and amazed by this. Oh, and I presented my research project on porn at an academic conference.

"What's that?" you might be thinking as you read this. "Porn?"

Yes, porn. I have now added Porn to the list of my research topics. You may adjust your disgust or jealousy levels accordingly. Think about how much time and money is spent making and consuming it. And yet not many academics are willing to be associated with researching it and the stigma that it brings.

But I've never been someone who has done the "safe" thing. Or the "intelligent" thing for my "career." I'm not great at avoiding being an "embarrassment" to "myself" and "others."

Three of the many odd realizations you have when you are looking at pictures of naked people for a living:

It becomes work! Sure, it's better than grading lousy student papers. But it is weird when you attach a sense of responsibility to nudity.

You reach a point when you think you are getting boring or monotonous wanting to talk about your conclusions with people. "Hey, you wanna know what else is fascinating about porn? No? You're leaving? Okay, maybe we can talk about it later...."

I started to get very paranoid while analyzing the photos that I would come across someone I knew. Luckily I did not. Oddly, I did find out I have friends who do know people who have posed for or photographed porn.

I have future research ideas, so I'm not done with the topic. Professionally that is.

And what do you want to bet that I get at least one or two extra hits from this post and that those people are upset when they realize what I'm actually writing about.

I didn't know

2009-11-12T15:20:00.002-05:00

I realize I got way distracted by work but I didn't realize it had been almost two months.

Sad that one of my students actually pointed this out to me.

As a way to make it up to you with something funny, here is a link to a hilarious explanation of independent film-making, courtesy of the brilliant minds over at Homestar Runner. Amazingly enough, my college blocks access to this site. Maybe they are worried that students will get too distracted if they are exposed to too much funny business. Or that they'll consider doing something creative. I have no idea myself.

Tomorrow perhaps I'll put up a post about what I'm planning on working over the semester break.

If anyone is still out there and interested that is.

I know I'm preaching to the converted but...

2009-09-15T17:34:00.005-04:00

Odds are pretty good that anyone coming here already agrees with me. Or is so opposed to me that nothing I say is going to change your mind.

I'm not asking you to agree with me. But I am begging you to get educated. Learn the facts. From multiple sources.

We will rise only through knowledge and education. But this country will drown if its citizens allow themselves to remain ignorant.

And never put something on a sign or t-shirt unless you know what the fuck it means. For real people.

Just a couple of hints. Medicaid is technically socialized medicine. And our military is supported through those taxes you don't want raised. The same military you want to stay in Iraq to protect us against the terrorists.

I've got a pain in my ass.

2009-09-07T19:21:00.004-04:00

Literally.

When I was a child, one winter they plowed the street I lived on and it left a huge snow mound in the middle of our cul de sac. Well, huge in relation to a skinny boy in the fourth grade. And I had a great time climbing to the top and leaping off, sliding down the sides.

It started getting late. I realized I should head home for dinner. One more jump, just one more leap before I had to abandon the fun.

I landed, straddling something hard and frozen. The pain and shock knocked the wind out of me. It shot up my spine. Breathing hurt. Trying to stand was impossible. I have trouble still finding the right words to describe what it felt like but try to imagine pain so bad that it feels like everything above the waist is being driven away from everything below the waist. And remember what I just wrote about having trouble breathing? So I couldn't make enough noise to yell for help.

What could I do? I could crawl. Combat crawl that is, on just my elbows and forearms. Forget using my legs. I mean I could feel my feet and legs and all. But my spine hurt so anything that required using it or my legs was out of the question. And my house was the distance equivalent of a city block and a half away.

I crawled across the frozen road till I got to yards and then I crawled through snow. I can't remember how long till I could put weight on my knees, let alone get through the front door.

It was bad but for some reason my parents didn't take me to get x-rayed till the next morning. At the time I was told the x-rays were negative for a break, just a really bad bruise. I sat on foam padding for days. If I wasn't already developing a reputation for being a freak this might have hurt my social standing.

This summer the pain came back. A few days have been bad and sometimes when I sit on the wrong type of seat or in the wrong position it comes back. Never as painful as that first time but a nuisance. So Wife finally talked me in to getting it checked out.

New x-ray revealed that all those years ago I didn't bruise it after all. I broke it. Not that they could have done anything really back then besides hope for the best. There is a small piece in my tailbone not connected to anything anymore. I'll probably develop arthritis in it as I get older. I could get surgery to have it removed. Which would take a long time to heal up.

But the fun thing is it is not bad enough to really demand that path. It is just going to be this thing that I have for the rest of my life. Unless it gets worse. Most days it doesn't bother me. Till I get reminded. Because I sat wrong.

Do you realize how much time we spend sitting?

I don't get it, well I do, but.....

2009-08-31T17:19:00.005-04:00

Why was it when "we" made statements like "He's not my president" we were helping the terrorists and anti-American?

Yet when "they" pray for Obama to die and bring guns to events they're being patriots and to question or criticize them is to deny them their First Amendment rights?

You don't need to respond to that. They're rhetorical questions. As a member of the liberal elite I also know other big words.

Like hypocrisy.

What next?

2009-08-25T17:46:00.002-04:00

Strange days lately. I realized that I've pretty much accomplished my major goals in life. I have Wife. I have Dog and Cat. I have my scooter and a pretty decent car. We have the house. I have a job I love (except that it could pay a little better) that allows me to occasionally travel. Pretty sweet. Other than seeing more of the world before I die and buying more toys and tattoos, those are what I've wanted to do and more.

Kind of left with a sense of "now what?" I mean, besides enjoy it of course.

It is kind of a strange feeling. A little restless. And really, what else is there?

More travel? Sure but no rush.

More pets? That's a maybe but Cat is getting older and we really don't want to stress him out with new additions that disrupt his well being.

Kids? Hell no, not even if they come with huge stipends and an army of paid for nannies.

Maybe I just need to get back to teaching next week and I'll be too busy to think about it.

Pictures of wrought iron

2009-08-20T22:21:00.002-04:00

I put a bunch of New Orleans photos on my flickr if you want to check them out.

There's a link to my photos to the right.

Post-modern haiku: Tattoo

2009-08-16T21:26:00.001-04:00

Yes, of course it hurts

The needle digs and skin bleeds

And soon it will itch

Is there anybody out there?

2009-08-15T14:48:00.002-04:00

I've been spending a lot of time alone and outside of my normal routines lately due to various traveling. It has been a strange experience.

Wife went on a family visit. Then I had business travel as I've mentioned. Then Wife had business travel. During my business travel I managed to catch up with an old friend and tried to make some new ones (jury is still out on that).

School hasn't resumed and I managed to hit a perfect storm of finishing my book, latest video game, and netflix a day before Wife got home. Plus no good TV. Nice stir crazy affect. I could have contacted some locals to hang out. But I couldn't think of anything last minute I wanted to do in order to decide who to even bother to try to get together with. I'll confess some of it was pure laziness on my part. Inertia is a bitch.

But I'm also just plain weird when it comes to socializing. I'm not very good at it, except for those times when I am. I'm so hot and cold at it. I hate making small talk. I love meeting new people. Except when it comes to talking to them. I made some very intense connections to people in college and after that I almost never talk to anymore.

I moved too many times to put down strong enough roots to feel connected. And that is where I've really screwed myself. Cause I just don't feel like starting over again making new friends here. "Oh, you've all got pretty satisfying social lives? Cool. You change your mind, you let me know."

So many people I've let get away. I miss you all. Drop me a line some time. I hope you're all happy.

But I'd prefer if you'd all move here.

School starts in two weeks. I promise I'll be less maudlin then.

Pimping my wife

2009-08-11T15:51:00.002-04:00

Wife has a side business making hoola hoops. She got a nice write up in the weekly city paper.

I'm just so excited and happy for her. I have nothing snarky to add.

I know what it means to leave New Orleans

2009-08-09T17:13:00.005-04:00

Just got back from a conference in New Orleans.

It was a strange mix of work, fun, and self-analysis. I guess it is only fitting in a town with NO's reputation. When I first thought about writing it up, I thought about doing some sort of diary entry, spelling out the day and what occurred of note. That almost seems too traditional and mundane to cover it.

Some highlights though:

I caught up with a friend from high school days. How do you overcome two decades of time? Amazingly enough I like to think we might have succeeded. Time will tell on that but I also feel I put to bed some of my lingering issues from then. I also learned just how much goes on that one is oblivious to knowing. We think we know most of the picture. Some times we have the equivalent to a snap shot and a piece of twine. Clues that we think tell a story but turn out to be far short. I also had the best cup of coffee I've ever drank.

My life never stops being surprising or entertaining. I saw a horse cop ride half way in to a karaoke bar and dance on the back of his mount to a hip hop song (yes, I and several of my friends sang at the bar. No, I was not the person on stage at that moment). I got to witness part of the New Orleans Red Dress Run, an excuse to drink and for many participants to cross dress. Just now I remembered that I saw two tranny hookers. At 1:30 on a Saturday afternoon. I had someone explain to me and a friend in much more detail than was called for the details of his heart attack.

I had several of the nicest meals of my life. In case you were wondering, haute cuisine appears to be about reducing food down to its essence flavors. A feast for the senses. Very indulgent. I highly recommend it. But at the same time there is something analytical about it. The experience gets in the way of the nourishment. Comfort may not be a transcendent experience but it sticks to your ribs. Some times we feed our body. Some times we feed our soul. Haute cuisine falls somewhere between those two poles. I'm glad I got to do it.

Actual conversation (slightly paraphrased) that happened to me on the streets while I was taking a photo:
Strange woman who may or may not have been hitting on me: "Can you answer a question for me?"
Me as I realize she is not going to walk into my shot so I can take it: "I can try."
SWWMOMNHBHOM: "Why are guys such douchebags?"
Me: "Testosterone."
SWWMOMNHBHOM: "Really?"
Me: "Yes."
SWWMOMNHBHOM: "That's it?"
Me: "Yes."
SWWMOMNHBHOM: "How do you get them to stop being douche bags?"
Me: "Hurt them."
SWWMOMNHBHOM: "Wha?"
Me: "You've got to hurt them in such a way that makes them realize how much they are hurting other people."
SWWMOMNHBHOM: "Oh. That won't work. He's always going to be a douchebag.....Oh no. Oh no! OH NO! OH NO! Someone is calling me a douchebag!"
At that point she ran down the street to have a half shouted conversation with someone she had seen walking towards us. And of course she was drunk. It was after noon. But her title was long enough.

By the time I left I was nearly crushed by the longing to see Wife again. We had been apart for over a week due to overlapping trips. Suck ass to a painful degree.

I also must say thank you to B.S. for being there.

And to E. and N. for new experiences and hopefully new friendships. And for making me feel welcome with the cool kids. I have no idea if either of you will ever read this. But if you do, I'd just like to say: "Porn."

It seems the most appropriate way to summarize the trip.

This has no right to be this awesome.

2009-07-21T11:35:00.008-04:00

The whole mash-up idea has a certain level of fascination for me. In its most primitive versions it is very rough, little more than replacing the chorus of one song with a much different song that almost, but not quite, fits.

But at its finest, it shows great talent and vision to see how two songs that don't go together actually belong that way. Yes, DJs have been mixing songs together for years. But the fusing that a good or great mash-up shows, perhaps better than anything, the true power in the hands of the average fan in the digital age. The ability to take something so pop (or pap as the case may be) and make it this compelling:

What else is the Internet for?

Ho ho huh?

2009-06-23T02:24:00.003-04:00

I promised this one a little while back and it is time.

I've posted before about Wife and I eating at cheap Chinese buffet but it is too late for me to go look for it in the archives. You can look for it if you want but to summarize, it has quite a colorful clientele. But even when you expect weirdness, every once in a while the world reminds you that there is still more strange out there.

Last time we ate there I look up and see two or three portly gentlemen with white hair and long beards. "Ha ha" I chuckle (or something like that. The gist is I laughed. Or LOLed for those of you "tech" people). "You're missing the Santa Claus parade." Wife asks, "Oh?" Or words to that affect. Some sort of brief query like noise or statement. "Yep, there's a dude or two that looks like Santa that just walked in."

And I return my attention to my assorted pieces of MSG conveyance. And I glance up again to see a couple more white haired fat dudes. "Uhm, honey. Seriously. There's a parade of Santas." She seems at best mildly interested, concentrating on her crab legs.

I soon realize that they continue to trickle in. I quickly convince Wife that she should look up because they just keep coming. Several are entertaining local kids. At least one is passing out tiny plastic "toys". We lost count around 30. It was, in fact, a Santa convention.

Later in the parking lot, every other car had a bumper sticker reading "My other car is a sleigh."

So maybe that's the secret. There are over 30 Santas, enough for one per time zone plus a few back-ups. And when they laugh their bellies shake like a bowl full of kung pow chicken.

Buy Sam a drink and get his dog one too!

2009-06-12T23:27:00.003-04:00

If you don't recognize, you better do a search for Mike Lange.

Penguins win Lord Stanley's Cup!

Worship the Beard!

I was so nervous I couldn't bring myself to watch the game except to monitor the score online and through various other means. I turned it on literally two seconds after it ended. I'm a bad sports fan when I really care about it and find it best to watch alone or with other die hard fans. When it is just me and Wife, I quickly become a nuisance an a pain in the ass to be around. So since we were hanging out tonight, we watched other programming.

Not my fault

2009-06-03T16:12:00.003-04:00

The move is done. Now comes the unpacking.

But we won't have home computer till Friday at least. So I have a great story to tell but no time to write it out at work. This weekend I will share. And you will be dumbfounded.

I can see a light at the end of the tunnel

2009-05-28T16:55:00.002-04:00

And it isn't a train.

Porch: 95% done
Understairs storage: Done
Bedroom: 99% done
Hall Closet: Done
Dining Room: 90%+ done
Bathroom: 95% done

Other rooms: still need work.

But we do have a couple of days to get it done before the end of the month.

Getting the main bedroom packed this morning did wonders for my outlook. And we should be getting cable tomorrow in the new house. And you know how important that is.....

PS. Thanks to all the well wishers, especially TonyN and A.

PPS. Thanks to Car for all the hauling it proved capable of doing. It has been a rock star. And deserves a good cleaning of the interior when this is done.

Where did it all come from?

2009-05-27T17:00:00.002-04:00

I get up. I pack and move a load of stuff. I go to work. I teach my classes. Then I pack and move more stuff. Then I sleep.

Mix and repeat for four days now.

I miss you interwebs.......

It is here

2009-05-22T19:13:00.002-04:00

The big announcement that most of you know already:

Wife and I are now homeowners.

I tried to mentally write this many times before hand. I should have jotted down some notes because now that it is here it is so overwhelming that I'm not ready to write it yet.

I'll try to explain this. Eventually. But not yet.

In the mean time realize that while we have till the end of the month to move, it is supposed to rain for almost all of that time. So that should be fun.

UNO!

2009-05-21T16:23:00.002-04:00

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;

Or in my case just seems like it will never get here.

In other news, my beard is getting past the "rough trade" look and just starting on the "mountain man" look. Starting to become a factor in eating as well.

Kidneys of Darkness

2009-05-20T17:16:00.002-04:00

The rain, it just won't go away to come again some other day. It doesn't care who wants to play.

I trudge through the swamps that used to be parking lots. Step outside and there's no way to stay dry. My rain jacket has started shedding it's liner on my shirts. It's time for a new one.

I've seen things man. Wet things. Things you could never comprehend in your dry shoes and your dry socks.

Oh, and the countdown is at two. Two.

I'll count it, I'll count it off

2009-05-19T15:43:00.002-04:00

Three days till the announcement that is one of the worst keep secrets. Partially because I've leaked it too many other places.

In other local news, the monsoons are so bad that several streets are under water. You could try to kayak around some parts. And in other parts you can hear frogs and their mating calls.

Counting down

2009-05-18T20:55:00.001-04:00

Four days till the big news that was promised earlier in the month.

Some of you already know, but for the other 1 and a half of my regular readers, you'll just have to wait. I'm nervous enough as it is without jinxing it.

In case you didn't know

2009-05-11T21:10:00.001-04:00

It may be tempting to order the Pizza Hut pasta deal where you get two pounds of pasta and breadsticks and then eat it by yourself over the course of four days while your significant other is out of town.

But you'll probably regret it by the end of that fourth meal.

Just trust me on this one.

A close shave

2009-05-07T01:42:00.002-04:00

If the Penguins had lost tonight and gone down 3 games to none then I would have shaved. But they pulled it off in overtime so there's still some magic left in these whiskers after all.

But I'd be lying if I didn't admit I'm concerned.

Pimp and Circumstances

2009-04-30T17:50:00.002-04:00

Last week was graduation. I looked damn fine in my Doctoral Cap and Gown. As always.

For those who don't know, Doctoral robes are a lot fancy than the plain black you wore for your graduation ceremony. Velvet highlights, puffy hats, metallic "gold" tassels. The works. The school I received my PhD from goes even further and rocks the alternate color robe. Regal purple. Did I mention I looked damn fine?

I have two theories on the color. First is that it is a safety feature. That part of the country is known for heavy snow. You go down in a snow bank in that purple and rescuers will have an easier time finding you. The other is a message to other schools. And that message is, "Our degree costs more."

While sweating out the ceremony in the poorly ventilated gym (it holds more people than the auditorium but is hotter then hell inside) I kept myself awake by jotting down some notes that should prove useful if you ever find yourself being asked to be the Commencement speaker at a graduation. Commencement speakers seem to think that what they have to say is important and everyone is excited to hear their words of wisdom. I've done several of these now. I've heard one good speaker in all the ones I've attended.

So with that in mind, here is what you need to think about when you compose your speech. You may want to write these down for future reference.

Be brief. Even if you haven't started writing yet, it is already five minutes too long.
Only try to be funny if you are genuinely funny. Be honest about this. Are the only laughs you get pity laughs or from terrified underlings?
Don't be in love with the sound of your own voice.
Dramatic pauses are not dramatic at 8 in the morning. They're annoying at best, invitations to fall asleep at worse.
Avoid cliches. I hate the part where you tell us all about what it was like for you when you sat "right where these graduates are sitting right now."
Avoid "In conclusion..." If it really is your conclusion it should be obvious. If it isn't then you've given us all hope and then destroyed it.
Nobody but your family and the trustees care that you are here (Note, trustees only care if you are donating money, are a golf buddy, or will attract attention with your fame). Parents just want to hear their child's name announced and you are holding up the show*. Professors just want to go home or go eat (or go drinking depending on the Professor). Students just want to party.

By the time you speak, the crowd is already growing restless. You are not why they are here. Of course if you are a celebrity, none of these rules apply.

As for the alumni speaker, if you go longer than 2 minutes to make your asinine "join the alumni association and give us money" pitch then you are a douche bag. Yes, please, tell us the joke about how you are older than the students but not as old as their parents. That one is hilarious. Or the story about how much (or little) things have changed on campus since last you were there, especially if it involves cafeteria food. Never gets old.

And I care about how much our school still touches your life. Truly.

I need one of those wrap it up signs from the Chapelle show for next year. Or to start sneaking in my ipod. Because I've got decades more of these to sit through.

*My own Father however, enjoyed the speaker for my undergraduate degree immensely. When you know that, you know I had no chance but to be weird.

Trust me on this one

2009-04-29T21:18:00.004-04:00

I know, I've been trying to be better about posting and then I disappear for a week.

I've got a silly post I'll put up in the next two days. And after that, well, it's huge news.

HUGE news.

Major.

Something else for the young lad on the town

2009-04-21T16:52:00.003-04:00

Long time reader(s) or those who got really bored one day at work and went through the archives might recall that I'm willing to share my wisdom regarding how to be successful when wooing a lady.

So I've come up with a few more ideas in that vein. These are pick up lines that I have modified to be more modern or more successful. If you use these on the lady of your choice I guarantee results.

(Note that Professor Matthew has a much different definition of results than you may be thinking of. Also, this guarantee is useless in a court of law or a bar or the ladies room of a family restaurant, or anywhere else you go to pick up women).

So here are modern pick up lines for the modern randy lad (I leave it up to you to find the original if you are so inclined):

If I told you that you have a beautiful body would you allow me to photograph it and post it to my facebook page?
I hope you know CPR because in the current economic climate insurance rates are becoming cost prohibitive.
Do you know karate? Because I bruise easily and would hate to be kicked.
Are you from Tennessee? Because I hear Memphis has some really great bbq and I really like bbq.
Baby, I'm no Fred Flinstone, because he is a fictional character and also quite a bit dated as a cultural reference at this point.
Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my twitter username, could I borrow yours?
Would you like a staring role in my next vlog?
Is your father an investment banker? Because he must have acquired the stars through a ponzi scheme and put them in your eyes.
Do fries come with that ass?

So there you go. Good luck and remember to get a DNA test before you admit to anything in a deposition.

It's beard time of the year

2009-04-09T10:28:00.005-04:00

If you are new here then allow me to explain something. I live in the South and love hockey. Some of my fondest memories of my youth are watching NY Islanders games with my dad on TV. Later he took me to a couple of games and we were still able to communicate about hockey even while I was going through the usual (and in my case unusual) issues of teen angst. We got to see Lemieux and Gretzky face each other one amazing night. So many goals were scored that we won free chili thanks to a local give away (ahhh, the magic of the chili goal).

With that introduction out of the way, the Pittsburgh Penguins clinched the playoffs. It looked rough there for a little while and firing the coach midseason (the same coach who took them to the Finals last year) seemed like a desperation move at the time.

But it seemed to light a fire under them. That and some key acquisitions at the trade deadline and they're in again this year.

With two games left in the season it's time for the growing of beards. In fact, a student already asked me why I hadn't started growing one yet. (Because you don't start until your team clinches. I'm not jinxing them).

Except this year there is a big but.

I have a wedding to attend in a few weeks. Now if it were within two weeks time or less then this wouldn't be an issue because it would not have had time to grow into something too fuzzy. But it is about a month away. I can grow some mean levels of hair in a month. And I actually like the couple getting married.

On top of that Wife is related to one of them. So I don't want to upset them or her. I've done that already. One of my Sisters got married and I had crazy long chin whiskers at the time. MANY comments were made during and afterward that I should been more "considerate" in my appearance. (On a side note this is not the only time my family has been upset at my appearance during an important gathering. At some point I need to tell the story of my bleached hair during my grandmother's funeral).

In fact, my telling this story will potentially result in Wife commenting on it again. Except that now I've typed it out so it might work as a whammy and she won't because she doesn't want to be predictable. Except that I've typed that out so it might work as a double whammy so she will. Except that would make her predictable in that direction. And she hates to be predictable.

The gist of all of this is this year it will have to be a playoff goatee. I know. I feel like I'm letting them down too. But something is better than nothing.

GO PENS!

I'm so mad that I'm angry

2009-04-01T23:45:00.002-04:00

This is not an April Fool's joke.

I've mentioned before that I have a love of Taking of Pelham 123. The original has a great story, low key but tense action, very clever dialogue and an amazing cast of actors. The biggest names though are Walter Malthau and Robert Shaw. It also has Ben Stiller's dad. If you haven't seen it, put it on your netflix and watch it already. Or Robert Shaw will make you regret it.

And tonight what do I see? They're remaking it. And what makes this worse? Robert Shaw is being replaced by John Freaking Travolta. It's not his fault but this just sucks so much ass. You know they're going to replace the low key tension and clever NYC style cynicism and humor with lame action cliches and high impact action. Because who needs clever writing when you can have explosions and car chases?

Get that action beat in, it's been almost ten minutes since something went boom!

So a big old screw you to Hollywood for remaking a movie that so did not need to be remade. Why make something new when you can just redo a movie from the 70s only in a worse version? Fuckers. Think this would happen if Robert Shaw was still alive? Let him tell it in his own words what would happen,

"Now, then, ladies and gentlemen, do you see this gun? It fires 750 rounds of 9-millimeter ammunition per minute. In other words, if all of you simultaneously were to rush me, not a single one of you would get any closer than you are right now. I do hope I've made myself understood."

And that's real.

Can't be bad

2009-03-25T23:58:00.005-04:00

Got an email from a former student that some advice I had given her had actually been useful. And that her roommate had actually read the blog. So first, "Hi roommate of former student. I'm sorry you were so bored that you read my ramblings."

As for the gist of tonight's post, if you were ever wondering why I teach (not why I teach media because that's pretty obvious by now if you are paying attention) but why teaching instead of a job making media, that email would be why. I hope that my lessons are useful and have benefit to the students. But it's hard to say even when they tell you while they are still at school. Trust me, I've had my fair share of brown nosers and grade grubbers.

And then a former student lets you know that yes, indeed, you taught them something that did made a difference. And that's the payoff.

Do you understand how intense it feels to have someone tell you that? Let's just say it fucking rocks and get back to our lives.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

2009-03-20T18:16:00.002-04:00

I'm working on a possible change of delivery for the blog.

I'm working on doing some small scale podcasting. Nothing too long. Just telling some stories. I'm going to set it up so that you can listen to them from the blog itself.

Mostly I'm doing this to see if I can. That and I have a microphone.....

In case you were wondering

2009-03-19T14:06:00.002-04:00

Spring break is a little less fun when you are stuck in the house waiting for a Very Important Package for Wife.

Not that I was planning on going anywhere or doing anything but when you have a day off and you can't do anything it makes it harder to feel motivated.

At least I'm going for a scooter ride tomorrow. So I have that going for me.

Now I know I'm not failing in my job

2009-03-12T15:29:00.005-04:00

I can't help but share this. Because when I really look at the future for my students, I'm doing what I can. But other educators are just not doing enough to prepare them for what they will really face in their day to day lives.

Are Violent Video Games Adequately Preparing Children For The Apocalypse?

See? This justifies my teaching of video games. Suck on that business professors! I'm lecturing on practical matters after all. Your accounting won't have much use when the destruction comes!

Dirty dirty tease

2009-02-24T01:15:00.002-05:00

Ahh, NHL Network has already been taken away from me.

Damn you Cable Company. First taste is always free. But you failed to give me a strong enough taste to hook me and pay for the other 29 to 59 channels in order to upgrade my subscription for the ability to watch replayed games two days late.

Not even with the promise of Don Cherry and his spectacular suits.

Somebody needs to say it

2009-02-22T18:04:00.002-05:00

I just feel that it is my responsibility to point out some of the truths I see in the world. And since I have a blog, I'm going to do it from time to time in a segment I'm calling "Somebody needs to say it."

Uma Thurman is not an attractive woman. And she's not that talented an actress either.

Beat me like a rented mule

2009-02-21T14:18:00.002-05:00

At this point the season is over half over (not including the playoffs) and my Penguins are struggling to get back in the playoff race. They even went so far as to fire their coach, usually a sign of desperation or deep frustration with the way the season is going.

And what did I just find out by accident? That we get the NHL Network on our cable package. At least for this weekend that is. Nice. How many games did I miss? How much news coverage? How much Hockey Night in Canada? Who can say?

How many insane suits worn by Don Cherry have I missed out on? If you don't know, google image him. I'll wait.

See the majesty? I realize some is better than none but I'm still sad inside. Senators versus Capitals starts soon though, so I have that going for me.

And the title is a reference to Mike Lange, voice of the Pittsburgh Penguins. The man is an artist. If you don't know, you better find out. Michael, Michael Motorcycle, am I going to watch some hockey.

Let he who is wearing white shoes cast the first stone

2009-02-11T17:45:00.003-05:00

Don't know if this came across your pop culture radar but I just found out about it. A month or two ago, former relevant performer Pat Boone made some...interesting remarks about his feelings about homosexuals, equating people who protested Prop 8 with the Mumbai terrorists. Yes. Seriously. No, really, go read the article and come back. He went there.

One of my favorite blogs, Armagideon Time has been taking Boone to task over the last few days. But I couldn't resist taking a shot myself.

I was working at a record store when Boone's covers of heavy metal songs came out.

At the time I thought he was in on the joke. Now I wonder if maybe he was thinking, "Pat Boone is back on top, baby, giving the kids what they want." At this point he's obviously delusional so anything is possible.

I thought about buying it for the weirdness factor (and because it would be dirt cheap with my employee discount). Now I'm glad I didn't.

On the other hand, you'd think that Boone would be a little more supportive of minorities. He made his career ripping off African Americans in the first place. You'd think it would have made him more open minded.

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a professor

2009-02-10T22:25:00.004-05:00

Wife's most recent description of me:

"You are a prodigiously hairy man."

She went on to ask what it is like to be so hairy.

Most of the time it is a lot of fun. But some days it is itchy. And it takes work.

To tell the truth there are days I wish I could shave it all off for a while and keep it clean. Lot less work. Clean shaven also makes me look even younger than I already do (last week someone told me they thought my age is ten years younger than it actually is). Much better than looking 10 years older than I am.

But the secret shame is I have a skin condition* that gives me dry patches in the mustache region. Most of the time it is not too bad but when it flares up it's a little gross. Mustache hair covers it easily. So shave and risk it or stay in a constant state of fuzz. Pretty easy choice.

*The weird thing is my skin condition is mostly seen in infants and senior citizens. I'm a genetic anomaly. I'm also really lazy about going to the doctor unless it involves bleeding that won't stop or coma-like conditions. So getting to the dermatologist just isn't a priority. Maybe I'll try after the semester ends.

Groundhog

2009-02-02T16:55:00.003-05:00

This is pretty lame to just post links to other sites but considering my love for the more peculiar of the holidays (previous posts about Halloween and April Fool's Day) then you got to know I love Groundhog's Day as well.

So watch this while you ponder the impact of Punxsutawney Phil seeing his shadow today.

Parade Rest

2009-01-31T17:02:00.003-05:00

TonyN's comments on my last post reminded me of a time when I could take a shower in under 30 seconds.

See, when I was a teenager a number of people in the peer group I was in joined the Civil Air Patrol. I was in the cadet program which is like Junior ROTC but for the air force and members are civilians. Even though we met on an air force base. Hard to say their greatest claim to fame but CAP pilots did manage to sink two Uboats in WWII.

In order to hang out with them I joined too. For a year it was kind of interesting and some of it was fun. What was weird was how quickly you can get sucked in to the quasi-military mindset. It's built around testing self-esteem and then giving tiny little rewards that make you want to try and get the next little reward. And creating a sense of belonging to a group that exerts more pressure on you to conform and fit in. And this wasn't even the real military.

The best part about it was the group I was in "won" and got to represent the state I grew up in for a cadet competition. I say won because we were the only one in our state to enter. The cool part was we got to fly to another state in a C-130. It's a big prop plane and equipment transporter. It was like flying in a bus with wings. Back then I didn't get airsick like I do now. That and the plane flew low so we didn't have to deal with full pressurization.

We did poorly in much of the competition, though far from the worst, and did manage to win best spirit. The team from New York was an unstoppable juggernaut that lived for the competition and was among the best in the country. Yes, they can be very proud of their ability to march as a group in both preordained and creative patterns. I'm sure it is a skill that has come up again and again in life.

What does this have to do with showering? We did a separate week long retreat and training thing while I was there that involved groups from our geographic area. One of the things they did to "break you down and build you up" was we got no more than 30 seconds for a shower for most of the week. So you learned to lather up in the sink and use that time to rinse and not much more. The weird thing, the last day we got all the time you wanted to shower and after about a minute you were clean. Anything longer seemed wasteful.

I do have to say though, to this day I'm still not sure how making perfect hospital corners helps a soldier in the field.

Trying to do good for the planet

2009-01-28T23:07:00.002-05:00

Recently I read an article in the local alternative weekly about the amount of water used in our part of the country. We face drought conditions in a few years due to overuse. One of the suggestions was to not shower every day arguing that most people don't need to unless they work a physically demanding job.

I shower every day, it helps wake me up in the morning before coffee and I really do enjoy a long hot shower. Heck, if I had the time there would be many days where I would shower till the tub filled with hot water and then soak in the tub till it cooled and then another hot blast from the shower before I got out of the bathroom.

But this is not water smart. So today I just washed face and pits in the sink. I have felt itchy, sticky, and greasy all day. I feel gross. Now I also exercised today but it was only tai chi, not exactly high impact. Still, Wife just told me that I smell bad.

So maybe I'll just work on taking shorter showers and not turning the hot water up too high. Small improvements are better than no improvements.

Quick thought for my 100th post

2009-01-27T10:15:00.002-05:00

This is just a thought that hit me as I was getting ready to ride to work this morning. So one of the arguments made against homosexuals is that they choose to have sex with the same gender. Choice, not genetics, right? And some even argue that with counseling they can overcome this and learn to choose opposite gender partners and be "normal and happy."

How come the same argument is not made about pedophiles? If sexual attraction is a choice then pedophiles choose to be attracted to children and with counseling can overcome this easily. Yet I don't see Exodus International starting up a string of day care centers. Look them up yourself if you are interested. I'm not increasing their traffic by linking to them.

Please be aware that I'm not arguing in favor of pedophilia or that we should equate homosexuality with pedophilia. I just really hate both hypocrisy and flawed logic.

Coincidentally, my friend Elephants on Bicycles touched on similar, but more thorough and intelligent, ideas in the fourth paragraph of his latest blog.

Student Evaluations

2009-01-21T17:23:00.003-05:00

Time for another round of what my students think of me. The thing I'm learning is that for 24 hours I'm a little annoyed with the negative comments. Then I get a little defensive. Then they get amusing.

Then I share them with the Internets. Not a lot of negative ones, most were positive or too generic for commentary. But four really shine.

One student had advice for how I should behave: "Stop the tough guy act. You're a nice guy." This is true. But evil is more fun.

For a different student I had a positive long term impact on their future: "After taking this course I am not sure I even want to major in communications now." Better to realize that now rather than on graduation day.

Normally this one would be the finest one to share. But one tops it. Keep that in mind as you read this: "[Professor Matthew] is a bitter disgruntled man who desparately [sic] wishes to upset and humilate students.... Enjoyed putting down students in front of the class and embarrassing anyone who dared speak up. Really made me regret being a student here, and I cringe when I think of him remaining a teacher...."

Normally you would think making a student cringe would be the high point of these evaluations but you would be mistaken. For one goes to a level that no student has ever gone before. This comment is the new extreme in unique student comments. In fact it is so singular that I will not sully it with commentary afterwards. This is the future of our country:

"I was born in the dungeon of flesh solitary confinement underneath your duress but I broke those shackles I bent the bar I got out of there and drove away in my car"

Dear Internets

2009-01-13T12:42:00.002-05:00

Sorry I didn't see The Dark Knight till this last weekend. I get why all the buzz, my bad.

Batman did seem a little un-Batman-like at times though. Just saying.

And who is going to be the bad guy in the next one? Running low on the really good ones.

I don't get it

2009-01-08T15:32:00.003-05:00

Why is it when many people dial a wrong number they get mad at you? I'm not the one who dialed your phone. Or on the other hand I'm not the one who gave you the wrong number when you asked for their "digits" with your "mad game skillz". I've gotten four wrong numbers in the last two days. It's getting annoying.

Actual conversation from earlier today:

Them: "Is (mumbles) there?"

Me: "I'm sorry, who?"

"Can I talk to Rachel?"

"There's no one here by that name."

"I'm calling for Rachel."

"This is not her number."

"Who is this?" He sounds annoyed or suspicious. Like Rachel is cheating on him with me. Or maybe he's a telemarketer willing to sell to anyone who answers the phone.

Me: "Who are you?" He hangs up. Maybe he's the one Rachel is cheating with? I'll never know.

To the anonymous caller I have a question. I don't hang up on you when I realize you're a dumbass, why hang up on me without apologizing? I'm the person getting their time wasted.

Other teachers get coffee mugs

2009-01-06T15:38:00.002-05:00

Some teachers receive small gifts around the holidays that show that their students like and appreciate them. Once, a long time ago I even received a pretty decent pen from a student. She was recent immigrant and I'm still not sure if she was trying to bribe me for a passing grade or really felt that I was worthy.

But those days are long gone. Now what do I get from students to show their "affection"?

Some student or students copied a picture out of our text book that looks somewhat like me photographed from the side and then drew tattoos and earrings on it and posted them around the library before our final exam. I didn't notice till after it was over so who knows how many folks saw it. I don't know whether to be flattered with the effort, creeped out, or just amused by the whole thing.

I don't get secret Santas. I get secret stalkers.

What must the neighbors think?

2009-01-01T23:02:00.005-05:00

Yes, yes, I'm back after family visiting. Blog post to follow on that one. But in the mean time, here's a little New Year Day story for you.

Wife took Dog out for a last pee before bed. And then came back in very upset. It seemed Dog found something interesting to smell. A dead rat. It's the second one that has been found in our back yard in the last few weeks. And might explain the sounds of cat screaming we heard earlier.

This is understandably upsetting and gross. We don't want Dog trying to play with it again and it would probably be best if it wasn't left out to attract flies or other critters. I go out and get the shovel.

A quick survey makes me realize that the front yard by the street has ample light and very soft sandy soil to dig in. So I carry the corpse up there and find a decent spot to go to work. One shallow grave later and the rat is hopefully entombed. A quick pat down of the dirt and I look up to see a middle age African American woman walking down the street.

"Happy new year" she says. I respond in kind. It was very neighborly. But part of me does wonder what she was thinking to see some tattooed guy digging a hole in the middle of the night.

What's the deal with flying?

2008-12-23T14:23:00.003-05:00

I'm not talking about the delays or the upcharges or the overcrowding. Everyone hates that.

When I was a teenager I loved to fly. It was amazing. Get in a big metal tube and two to four hours later you were somewhere else. Along the way you got a view of another world up there. The clouds, the ground so far away. Crazy adventure. And then came cheap flights on discount airlines and it was even reasonably priced.

I can remember once flying somewhere and there were maybe 20 people on the flight. The flight attendants spent most of the trip in the back hanging out and talking to me about tattoos. I had about 10 rows to myself because everyone else crammed the front so they could get off quickly. But the flight was so empty that everyone got out quickly.

Now I dread it. Odds are good that I'll get motion sickness during takeoff and landing. Nothing like getting to your destination feeling ill. And with most flights having multiple connections anymore I'm likely to get multiple doses of nausea. Nice. I've tried eating and not eating before flying to try to deal. The only thing I've learned is that if I eat at least that way my stomach churn doesn't have heartburn too. But it does increase the feeling that I have something worth throwing up.

Beyond that I get sinus issues from all the pressure changes. Lucky me. I think I got it from my dad, he's got sinus problems. Something for me to look forward to as I age..

It's to the point now that just a whiff of that recycled airplane air leads to dread. I pray the little air jet will help. Part of me hopes that we deplane somewhere cold so the cool air is soothing for a little while. Last time I flew I went to Colorado which resulted in altitude sickness combined with the flight sickness. It took me a week to recover after I got back home.

Though if I being perfectly honest. The flight back from the job interview where I got my current teaching position was great. Maybe I was just to happy to notice anything else. Plus I had a really big seat right by the front door. So there is something to be said for getting out first.

Winter Break

2008-12-22T13:37:00.002-05:00

Yes, I'm being lazy. I'm trying to get over it but no promises.

I'm loving the video game Okami. I highly recommend it. I'm up to 26 hours of playtime and the end is not in sight quite yet.

I apologize for bringing this cold snap to our area. Wife and I tried to go for a scooter ride yesterday and watched the weather change from fall to "winter" within the first five minutes. We turned back for safety sake.

And in news you already knew, itunes store is a dangerous, dangerous thing.

Paying off on the vote

2008-12-15T16:01:00.002-05:00

I got that shaving thing done over the weekend.

Thanks to all of you who voted.

I now look ready to tool about the countryside in my Duesenberg J Walker Legrande Torpedo Phaeton or to attempt to convert my textile firm to the new methods of assembledge line production. Perhaps over the summer I will visit the continent by steam ship.

Look, up in the sky.

2008-12-14T18:08:00.003-05:00

I was walking Dog just now (it's in the sixties in December by the way for those of you wondering). I looked up in to the sky in the twilight. And overhead flew a pair of pelicans.

Not the kind of thing you see everyday. Except for now it is.

And so you learn something from this post, in Medieval Europe the pelican was believed to use its own blood to feed its children when no other food was available. As such it became a symbol of the Eucharist. It was often used in heraldry to signify self-sacrifice.

And Dixon Lanire Merrith wrote "The Pelican" in 1910.

A wonderful bird is the pelican
His bill will hold more that his belican.
He can take in his beak
Food enough for a week,
But I'm damned if I can see how the helican

Pretty sweet.

I need a ruling on this

2008-12-12T10:53:00.003-05:00

Please, someone help me with this decision. I can't make it on my own.

Thanks to Pandora I get exposed to bands or songs I'm not familiar with from time to time. Sometimes they rule and sometimes they suck.

But I can't decide on one band. Interpol, do they blow are they actually secretly talented? My opinion varies wildly from song to song. Somebody help a brother out here.

I didn't mean to do it

2008-12-11T09:47:00.003-05:00

I finished the grading I was going to do last night. Dog sat next to me looking sad since I was ignoring her to get work done. So I said to myself,

"Self, we'll just watch a little TV and give Dog some attention."

TMC was showing The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3. Next thing I realize it's 3:30 in the morning. Yay, 4 and a half hours of sleep.

But how can you say no to the combination of Dog hugs and Robert Shaw?

You don't. Robert Shaw will hurt you if you do.

The joys of pet ownership

2008-12-10T11:09:00.002-05:00

Wife left for work while I was upstairs in the bathroom taking care of business, if you know what I mean. I could hear the sound of plastic rustling shortly thereafter. I knew one or both of the critters was up to now good. Possibly they were even working in cahoots.

I called Dog's name. Normally she drags herself upstairs just in case I'm calling her for a good reason. Today, nothing. I called again. Pause in the rustling. Then it continues.

I finish and head downstairs. Dog comes running up to me as if I have been away for years. Now this is not too far off from normal behavior but she was overselling it considering she didn't show up when called.

It is at that point that I notice the bag of candy on the floor. I walk up to it. Dog follows and tries to act surprised.

If she could talk I imagine it would sound something like this, "How did that get there? You should pick it up before someone figures out how to rip it open and get to the yummy, yummy goodness contained inside.... By the way, any thoughts on how someone without thumbs would rip it open? I'm just curious. Not for me of course, the cat was asking."

The bag was still intact though a little wet with slobber. Dog then changed tactics and acted like sleeping on the couch was all that she cared about in this world. Since no one was caught in the act, no punishment was given out at this time.

Why I'm behind on grading

2008-12-08T21:04:00.002-05:00

Wife received a very generous gift from her family, a new mp3 player. It's huge.

So of course she doesn't really need her old one. And mine is ever so small.

So I'm a little distracted right now updating it. I think I can squeeze another 30 albums on to it or so.

And grades are not due till next Tuesday morning.......

Just a quickie

2008-12-06T12:05:00.003-05:00

You know what is frustrating about a new computer (or new to you as the case may be here)?

Trying to remember all your internet bookmarks.

I'm working on that anonymous favorite comedian question. If you know me, that's a lot more complicated than it is for most folks.

Another overheard

2008-11-30T19:08:00.002-05:00

"You touch that bell again and I'm going to break your teeth."

Ahh, nothing like going to an all you can eat restaurant for hearing the love between a father and son.

Wife and I have a strange love for our local buffet feeding hole. It is not quality food but it is quantity and variety and sometimes that's what you are looking for in a meal. But the other customers really bring out an awful truth about me. I'm an elitist.

Bottom line, I have no love for rednecks. I mean, I want to be a good person and help those who are less fortunate than I have been. But apparently only if they are not stupid and mean.

I'm not too proud of this realization. And I'm skeptical that even with bringing this to my attention that I'll be all that willing to change. I'll try. But I'm betting that the next time I overhear someone threatening their kid with disfigurement by the fried rice I'm guessing I'm going to fail.

My fortune cookie was funny though. "Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent." How many errors can you find in the grammar or meaning?

And the winner is

2008-11-25T15:12:00.003-05:00

The flu. Or whatever death bug I have caught. The inside of my mouth is tender from all the cough drops that I need to live. As a result the beard shaving is postponed till I am more laurel and hearty (yes, I know I'm ripping off Mel Brooks for that joke). The top voter was "Go to hell." Errr, I mean friendly mutton chops.

I'm just sick enough to be achy and annoyed. Not sick enough to say "screw the world. I'm staying on the couch with my movies and playstation." Wife has decided I'm going to the clinic if I don't get better soon though.

I'm not sure why she thinks I need to be "tutored" at the clinic. Course I'm a little congested I could be mishearing her.

Growing up sucks

2008-11-19T17:11:00.004-05:00

I have this intense video game just sitting at home waiting to be played. And I'm at that point in the semester where I have to grade most nights. No time to pick it up and play.

"But Professor, semester break is coming up. You can play then," you may be thinking.

And to you I respond that you need to speak up, I can't hear you if you mumble. If I were a student that would mean tons of time to spend with it. But I have to prep a new class and revise a current one, seriously cutting in to my "me" time. At least I'm getting tattoo work done on Friday to help tide me over.

Life is pretty sweet when this is your biggest current complaint.

And the game is Okami for those of you actually curious. As the kids would say it looks "wicked awesome".

Polls are still open

2008-11-17T13:24:00.003-05:00

Voting so far:

Mutton chops: 4
Chin strap: 1
Van Dyke: 1

I have an official type event next Monday so I'll keep voting open till then I think. Tuesday will be the big shave morning.

When it's time to change

2008-11-13T23:40:00.004-05:00

If you're a regular reader you are aware that I'm a man of many skills and growing facial hair is one of my best. But lately I've been feeling a little uncertain with regard to what to do next with it.

So I'm leaving it up to a vote by readers. Whatever the majority decides, I will do with my facial hair.

Wife has selected four options from the following illustration:

http://www.dyers.org/blog/beards/beard-type-chart/

The four finalists are:

Chin Curtain
Friendly Mutton Chops
Petit Goatee with mustache (technically a Van Dyke but the Van Dyke illustration isn't a Van Dyke)
Soul patch

So pick one of these four and vote for it in the comments section.

Yes, you can tell me which of the other options you'd rather see, but pick one of the four as well. And if you're wondering currently I'm closest to the Zappa currently.

Hopping down the bunny trail

2008-11-11T23:02:00.004-05:00

Many schools have famous alumni that are known across the country and world and help raise the credibility of their former institutions. These alumni are celebrated and promoted.

My current place of employment has a current student who is known across the country and it maybe the world. Well, her name isn't known. But her body and her nickname are. You may know her as Miss June. Yes, my school has a Playboy bunny.

Amazingly enough the administration is not trying that hard to celebrate this accomplishment. Go figure.

She is currently taking a media writing class and as part of that class had to write a magazine article. It could be argued that this isn't a true use of her unique skill set, putting her behind the scenes and not in the centerfold. But it is what it is. And for her magazine article she was assigned to interview the new Media professor. That would be me. Technically speaking I'm also a New Media professor. But I digress.

So I can actually claim till my dying day that a Playboy bunny once emailed me wanting to spend time alone with me. I will probably only make such claims while drinking however.

Prior to the interview Wife suggested I ask for an autographed copy of her issue. We soon realized that it would come off as way too creepy Uncle. Also I wanted to treat the interview seriously and the thought that I had seen her "cotton tail" would not help me with that. (Other euphemisms considered and rejected include "yum-yum patch" and "goodie basket")

Okay, first things first. The obvious. She was much smaller than I expected. Shorter and tinier. She also seemed to have more hair than the average person. Thicker somehow. Maybe it was extensions. But what I realized is how odd a crap shoot genetics is. How the right dominant genes have to come together in just the right way to create the right skin and bone structure.

I also really realized what a temporary thing beauty is though. If she's lucky and takes care of her self maybe she'll be one of those women who continue to remain pretty their whole life. On the other hand if I avoid major head trauma I'll probably remain smart without having to really do jack squat. I get to eat bacon and not feel guilt. Score one for brains over beauty.

During the interview the subject of pornography did come up. One of the truths of modern technology is how much porn has pushed many aspects of it. Home VCRs, especially VHS and DVDs, streaming video, pay per view. I could go on. Really, up until High Def. Because some things you do NOT want to see in High Def.

I also found out that Hef has a lap table that he uses to turn his bed in to an office. I have to admit that I wish I could spend all day in pyjamas and work from my bed. Not that I really put that much effort in to my wardrobe. And I do a lot of grading on the futon in the spare bedroom. How about that, I'm like a low budget Hef. Just with a lot fewer half naked co-eds around me while I work. He has many. I have none.

The one missed opportunity was being able to seriously ask her about why she did it. I mean I know all the cliches. "Blah, blah, blah, empowering, control of my body, liberated, pays well, exposure that I can use in my career, blah blah." But I study gender portrayals in the media. I'm aware of feminist theory. I hear my female friends complain about being treated like objects. And here is a young woman volunteering to be treated like an object, asking to be reduced to her body. How does she really feel? How does she deal with the knowledge that the guy she just met might have seen her naked and mentally views her as just a collection of parts?

How does she really feel about the creepy Uncles?

And even more important, is she going to write a good article about me? That's what is truly important after all.

Overheard on campus

2008-11-06T16:38:00.003-05:00

I'm in such a good mood because the country did good on Tuesday that I'll go with a light hearted and short post. But look for my post on being interviewed by a Playboy Playmate in the next day or two.

Female Student 1: Don't go hang out with Jerry. He's a douchebag. Hang out with me instead.

Female Student 2: I know. But I promised.

Got to admire her being true to her word. Jerry might be a douchebag but she promised to hang out with him and she's going to go through with it anyway.

You know what?

2008-11-04T16:04:00.002-05:00

Fuck being nice. If you don't vote for Obama then fuck you for ruining the country I love.

I just couldn't hold it in any more.

Vote

2008-11-04T10:42:00.001-05:00

On the outside chance anyone does show up here looking for a new post today, go vote.

Do it.

I say vote for Obama and Biden but even if you don't agree vote anyway. You have the right, use it.

In hindsight I could have told you this would happen

2008-11-02T22:54:00.002-05:00

So after all my posts about how much I love Halloween, how did I spend it? Let's just say there was no need to warn the authorities.

I did wear one of my very fine smoking jackets to work and it was successful. Or at least a bunch of folks lied to my face about how much they liked it.

Then Wife and I tried to go to a southern diner for dinner only to find out that it had gone out of business. So instead it was a trip to Cracker Barrel where we did buy some candy after the meal. During the meal I also had the joy of convincing her it was not the best idea to spend nearly 500 dollars you kind of don't have on eyeglasses you kind of do not need. Always fun to have to be the spoilsport asshole responsible one (I have a much longer post I'm working on about that topic).

This was followed by sitting on the couch while we listened to a remake of the War of the Worlds broadcast celebrating the 70 year anniversary of that historic event (I'll get to lecture on it this week in my Mass Communication class. Ask me about it if you're interested). Wife enjoyed it so much that she slept through most of it and then was too tired to sing Karaoke with me.

Yep, I'm a wild man. How did you celebrate?

I don't understand the desire

2008-10-31T00:30:00.003-04:00

I have students who have expressed a desire to read this blog. I'm not sure why. I guess they figure I'll reveal something super shocking. Or they really are that curious to peek behind the curtains and see the side of me that I don't show in the classroom.

Of course I play it up as though what they'd find here is terribly revealing. It sure will be a sad day for them if they ever make it here and learn just how boring and self indulgent this really is.

Not my fault!

2008-10-25T16:39:00.002-04:00

I'm not exactly what one would call skilled at mechanics. I'm much better at what some would call bodging. Or trial and error. Wife worries when I try to work on the scooters because some times things go well but more often things go wrong and I learn the hard way that's not how to fix something. Then there is swearing and anger and sweat.

And more swearing. I know I wrote that already but it needs repeating because there is often a lot of it. I'm more skilled at it than I am at things mechanical.

It is for this reason that I no longer own any vintage bikes or scooters. In order to learn how things work I run the risk of doing more harm than good.

So recently there have been two things that needed fixing but I couldn't get it taken care of myself. But each time I've been vindicated in the end.

First our bathroom sink kept getting clogged up. Over and over I would treat it and plunge it and get it draining for a little while but it would clog again. I finally got so frustrated I called in the landlord. It turns out that the pipes are so old that 80 years of iron flaking off the sides of the pipe had fused in to a solid plug of metal. It took several days for the landlord and a plumber to cut the pipe out and replace it. No way I could have fixed that.

Then this week I put a new back rest on my scooter. It was getting near dusk when I went to put it on. Wife actually said I shouldn't because it was getting late and she was worried there would be anger.

While I was removing some old bolts that needed to be replaced I did manage to strip it. Luckily I was able to attach the back rest temporarily and arrange to have the stripped bolt removed at a friend's house. He has elite mechanic skills.

I went over there today to get it taken care of. He used a tap and die to try and get it out and snapped on him. The bolt was so locked in that it broke the tool. He ended up having to file down the head of the bolt so he could grab it with pliers to force it out.

After it was all over I said that at least now I know it wasn't my fault the bolt got stripped by the allen wrench. He said, "Oh yeah, that wasn't operator error." Not my fault seldom sounds so sweet.

White trash weekend

2008-10-23T00:15:00.003-04:00

I should have written this when the memories were more fresh but last weekend was too entertaining not to mention.

Friday night Wife was having a girl's weekend. So I was free to feed myself and decided to do the buffet at national chain chicken shack. I'm a sucker for original recipes. We named our scooter club the KFSC for a reason after all.

Chicken buffet in a southern town is an adventure during normal times. But this night was especially spectacular. There was the usual assortment of the average and the overweight. And the expected moment where someone feels that the buffet isn't being refilled fast enough and starts complaining to everyone else in line loudly until finally one of the wage slaves puts out more chicken legs.

But there were a couple of extra folks that took it beyond the call of duty. There was grizzled guy in Chicago Bulls tank top with a buzz cut complimented by a glorious rat tail mullet. Normally that would be a sure winner for king of the rednecks. But not that night.

There was even more grizzled guy. The kind of grizzled where he could 40 or he could be nearing 60. You can't quite tell. He had a very dirty cast on his left leg. And no shoe on the other foot. Did he decide that it was wearing shoes that led to the accident and broken bone in the first place? Or did he feel that folks who are suffering with injuries are excused from such things as common decency? Or sanitation? I have to admit I'm leaning towards the latter because both he and his female "companion" kept reusing their plates. Paper plates if you couldn't guess. And there were numerous signs reminding patrons that you really should take a new plate every time. And there was a stack of paper plates they had to walk past every time they returned to the steam trays.

Seriously, reusing paper plates at a fast food joint buffet, who does that?

Then Saturday I went to Biketoberfest. Too many things to mention. The bikini bar maids. The right wing bikers advertising for the republicans. The born again bikers. The offensive tshirts ("Forget your tits, show me your pussy" being particularly memorable). The offensive women's underwear for sale. The racist tshirts. The biker "babes" who spent too many years on the back of a motorcycle in the wind and sun. The biker babes who will hopefully learn to protect their skin from the ravages of sun and wind. The camp site with the stripper pole out front. Goodtimes. Oh, and you have to love the ladies with meth mouth. Sexxxy.

They say bad things come in threes

2008-10-22T02:01:00.003-04:00

So we've gone past that since August. First Bernie Mac.

Then Jerry Reed.

Then Paul Newman.

Now the news that Rudy Ray "Dolemite" Moore has died. All you need to know about him is this quote from the movie The Human Tornado (1976), "He think he's bad and ain't got no class! I'm gon' rock this shotgun up his muthafuckin' ass!"

I realize death is a part of life and all that but with these four deaths the world has gotten a lot less masculine. To truly honor Rudy Ray, go put your foot up a sucker's ass.

The "ballad" of Dolemite. Respect that.

A little something for the randy lads

2008-10-10T17:44:00.003-04:00

A very good friend of mine has a son that is now a senior in high school. So I asked him if they had had "the talk". He said his son was resistant to such attempts. The old "get embarrassed and then claim you knew all you need to know" routine. So my friend asked if I wanted to have the talk with the son.

Well, why not. I'm a man of the world. Before Wife came in to my life I entertained a few members of the fairer sex. So I compiled a list of things I have learned in my travels. Now I share some of that with you. Perhaps in the comments you might share a bit of your wisdom with the world. Or request further postings of my knowledge.

Heck, perhaps we'll turn this in to a regular thing where I answer questions for the love lorn. I am a professor after all.

Things a young man about town should know:

Theater chicks are hot and are likely to put out due to self-esteem and daddy issues. They are also likely to be insane, often owing to the same issues. Also likely to cheat on you due to needing a lot of approval. Avoid dating, get what you can and then run. Change names if needed. Or your appearance. Heck, just leave town altogether and find a new theater troupe.

And be aware that she's probably slept with every other student, male or female, in the theater department. And maybe some of the professors.

Art girls can be hot but might have desire to inflict wounds on themselves and others. Monitor their moods and their drug use.

Avoid women stronger than you. Unless you're in to that sort of thing, if you know what I mean. In which case invest in a good first aid kit. And learn how to untie ropes or hide a small cutting tool near the headboard.

If a woman enjoys it the first time she's more likely to come around for a second time.

Try not to be that guy who is "the friend." If a woman ever tells you she wishes she could find a guy just like you and she isn't trying to get you to cheat on your girlfriend, then she has zero interest in having sex with you. Being there for her every time she breaks up with another loser named Chad who treated her like crap will not increase your chances that she'll finally realize you are perfect for her.

Avoid being someone's wingman unless you find yourself attracted to girls with plenty of "personality" or "good hearts". If you secretly have a fondness for that type of lady, your cup will runneth over in life. Big girls put out. And are often incredibly freaky.

Follow some of this advice and in no time you will be quite the "hit" with the "ladies"

Memories

2008-10-05T00:38:00.003-04:00

I thought maybe some folks would have some good costume stories to share. Oh well.

What prompted me to write about costumes in the first place is a trip Wife and I made to the store. We were wandering the aisles and noticed some pet costumes and started looking through them to see if there was anything for Dog. Forcing your pet to wear stuff that makes them look hilarious is one of the best parts of pet ownership. I highly recommend it.

What we shortly realized is just how nice the pet costumes actually were. For costumes for a pet to wear once a year, these were surprisingly high quality. We then realized we were right next to the kids costumes in the store so we wandered through briefly.

These costumes were so nice. Even the cheap ones were pretty decent quality. It was messed up.

When I was a kid, my parents would never spend the money to get us store bought costumes. They were some sort of holy grail that only the rich kids got. But thing was, they also sucked for the most part. There were some top of the line ones or decent rubber masks. But most of them were cheap plastic masks that you were lucky you could see out of. They were also notorious for scratching your eyes. That is if the elastic band that held it on didn't break.

The "costume" portion consisted of a plastic jump suit that often had the name of the character you were supposed to be across the chest. In case the mask wasn't obvious enough I suppose. They were one size fits all. Which of course means one size fits none. They were also extremely easy to rip.

I'm guessing they stopped making them because they were also likely to melt and burn kids. Kids today don't know what they're missing by not having costumes that can injure or maim them.

Rocktober has started

2008-10-02T10:44:00.003-04:00

I love Halloween. Shocking, I know. A guy who loves April Fool's Day also loves playing dress up. I'm sure you're dumbfounded right now that this could be the case. But I do.

One year in undergraduate (I almost wrote one year in college but that does not narrow things down too much does it?) I even went so far as to shave one of my eyebrows for a Vanilla Ice costume. Sadly for you that while I have pictures of this event, they exist in the days before digital cameras were commercially available. It took weeks to grow back properly and itched. A lot. Totally worth it.

I'm just that dedicated to my costumes. Last year Wife and I dressed up as the scariest thing imaginable in our little town. Homeless people.

We went to a party where folks were possibly even more dedicated than I am to creating their costumes. Or they just have loads of money to spend on them. Who knows? The funny thing is that I think Wife and I were a little too convincing. We mostly just got stared at by people as if we were there to steal food and beverages. And since no one wanted to talk to us, ended up just eating their food and sneaking out. Like I said, dedicated to a theme.

I have more thoughts on costumes but I think I can get another post out of it tomorrow. So, on the outside chance that I still have readers, why not post in the comments section your favorite costume memory of all time?

One more political post

2008-10-01T16:56:00.003-04:00

I'm linking to a post that is on my friend Andrew's blog. It is something he copied from someone else's blog. How blogosphere.

Elephant's on Bicycles.

RIP

2008-09-27T17:01:00.004-04:00

As you may have noticed, Paul Newman died.

Cat On a Hot Tin Roof, The Sting, Cool Hand Luke, The Hudsucker Proxy, The Hustler, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Slap Shot, Road to Perdition, and so on and so forth. Go ahead, try and pick just one as your favorite

Instead of trying to write some sort of memorial that will just sound flat, I'll leave that to better writers on such subjects. I will state that he could play tough, funny, asshole, and sensitive all at the same time and make you believe it and in him.

Time to bump The Long, Hot Summer to the top of my Netflix list.

I really am out of shape

2008-09-25T00:37:00.002-04:00

We had the anniversary party. It was decent. Students showed up in decent numbers for the food at least, though well short of every student.

As for me, I got banged up racing a student through the obstacle course bouncy castle. And lost badly as I predicted. I feel like tomorrow I will have trouble getting out of bed.

Still, I'm pretty sure I had the best time for my age group.

The obligatory election post

2008-09-22T16:39:00.002-04:00

So at some point every blogger needs to put something up about the upcoming presidential election. I think it's in the fine print when you accept the terms and conditions of getting your blog.

I'm going to go in a different direction though. Because I teach media classes I often resort to using examples from commercials and such to illustrate points in class. Like the equal time rule that governs commercial rates and times and ensures fairness with regard to broadcasting. And I try relatively hard to be nonpartisan during such times. I try to qualify when one party does something particularly heinous that the other party isn't any better. All that sort of lip service.

Thing is I bet my students think I'm a Democrat and an Obama supporter. But they never actually ask.

Technically speaking I define myself as a Social Democrat. That's a socialist that wants to change the system through education rather than violence. I hold out hope that we can create a better society. Probably just deluding myself. But come on, Sweden and Norway can make it work.

There will be cinema

2008-09-17T23:24:00.002-04:00

So I recited my little reworked monologue.

There was some laughter and not all of it was just polite. And a few students mumbled things indicating they recognized the source. Most just sat looking confused. Which is what I more or less expected. At least I was amused by it.

And then later during class I found out that around 90 percent of them had not seen The Usual Suspects. And I wept inside a little.

"I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Keyser Soze."

The new scooter

2008-09-16T10:52:00.004-04:00

Notice the nice cast on Wife. No, it is not a result of a riding accident. Yes, she is not wearing a helmet but we are only riding 2 blocks and my top speed was 15 mph.

It is capable of going much faster.....

Working conditions

2008-09-15T00:59:00.002-04:00

School year is going okay so far. We lost one of our professors to another University and there is a sense of loss. He left some big shoes to fill, figuratively speaking. The odd thing is how much it feels like I'm stepping up to deal with it. I mean I've only been here a year but already I'm being asked and expected to take on a pretty decent amount of responsibility. You see we've started a new academic track within our major. When I interviewed I was told this other professor would mostly be responsible for it and I would heavily support him. Now with him gone, it's become my baby to really shape and direct.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I haven't been important or needed at other schools I've taught at. But not like here. And it's not like I can put my finger on anything concrete. I think it's just a side effect of the personalities and circumstances of the mix of professors we have. Somebody needs to step up and help out. Might as well be me.

I never thought this would be where I'd make myself useful though. I always foresaw my career as being one where I teach some classes that no one else really wants to teach and that is what makes me valuable. Instead, I'm valuable because I bring value. Pretty nice to feel needed. I highly recommend it.

Now I just need to talk them into letting me teach a class on Film Noir. Getting paid to show Sunset Blvd. or Night of the Hunter would once again prove that I have a cooler job than you.

You know what sucks?

2008-09-12T23:59:00.001-04:00

Spending an hour or so updating your MP3 player and then the next day your battery dies during the first song. So not good times.

On a positive note, I finally have Helmet on CD. I had forgotten just how heavy they were.

I am a huge nerd

2008-09-11T10:50:00.002-04:00

I prepared this for my first day of Principles of Cinema but I didn't finish re-editing it in time for the first class. I'm not sure if I have the guts to actually recite it but maybe, just maybe....

Ladies and gentlemen? Ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much for attending with us this morning. Now, I've traveled across half our campus to be here and to see about this class. Now, I daresay some of you might have heard some of the more extravagant rumors about what my plans are; I just thought you'd like to hear it from me. This is the face. There's no great mystery. I'm a Media Professor, ladies and gentlemen. I have numerous classes spread across this campus. I have many classes flowing at many credit hours per day. I like to think of myself as a Media Professor. As a Media Professor, I hope that you'll forgive just good old fashioned plain-speaking.

Now, this work that we do is very much a family enterprise- I work side by side with my wonderful students - I think one or two of you might have met me already. And I encourage my students to bring their questions, as well. Of course it makes for an ever so much more rewarding life for them. Questions means answers. Answers means education. So wherever we set up class, education is a necessity, and we're just so happy to take care of that. So let's build a wonderful class in St Augustine. Those answers are the future that we strive for and so they should have the very best of things. Now something else, and please don't be insulted if I speak about this - cinema. Let's talk about cinema. Now to my mind, its an abomination to consider that any man, woman or child in this magnificent country of ours should have to look upon going to the movies as a luxury.

We're going to study mise en scene here. Mise en scene means composition, composition means choices. We're going to analyze subtext here where before it just simply was impossible. You're going to have more subtext than you'll know what to do with. Cinema will be coming right out of your ears, ma'am. New ideas. Theory. Employment, education. These are just a few of the things we can offer you, and I assure you ladies and gentlemen, that if we do find meaning here, and I think there's a very good chance that we will, this class of yours' will not only pass, it will flourish.

Just letting you know

2008-09-02T21:33:00.003-04:00

Classes start tomorrow. I don't have any wacky stories or snarky comments to make yet. Just letting you know that those sort of things will be coming soon. Because it is just a matter or time till some student says or does something too amusing or shocking to not share.

In other news, Wife goes in for another surgery on her ankle tomorrow bright and early. So I have to have her there about 4 hours before my classes start. Thank goodness first day is mostly about reading the syllabus and setting the ground floor for what comes in the next class. Because I will NOT be at my best tomorrow. Let's just hope that this surgery finally finishes the work on her ankle. Now they think she might have a cyst where she just had surgery. It will be nice to see what goes wrong next.

I also have a long post about buying and selling scooters this summer. It was a saga and deserves full treatment.

So provided Hannah doesn't wash us away, (or Ike. Or Josephine.) then there should be some level of increase in my posting. Hopefully. Got to love those news reports though. "This storm could kill everyone, including the unborn. Or maybe it will miss us. Or maybe just rain overnight. But if this storm doesn't kill you, the next one will. Or your neighbors."

They sky is falling, the sky is, oh wait,

2008-08-23T16:18:00.005-04:00

So a tree fell on us. Sort of. Friday morning we're sleeping relatively peacefully unaware that the power went out for five whole minutes. Crash!

"What was that?"

"I don't know." I look out the window. "Huh, can't see anything. Wait, it looks like a few branches broke off the tree and landed on the roof. Nothing too bad." And since said roof is not over our portion of the house we went back to sleep.

Later Wife walked the dog and came in. "You know that crash? It wasn't just those branches. A tree hit the house."

I put on a hat and braved the wind and rain to investigate. In fact there was what appeared to be a tree in the driveway. And a large dent in the roof. Quick call to the landlord to let him know what was going on.

Later I went back out to check some more. It wasn't a tree but it was a very large branch off of a very nasty looking tree. I had worried before that it might go down in big winds and was partially right. The people who had lived in that section of the house had moved out towards the beginning of the month so they had avoided a disaster. Especially since they used to park their car right where the branch landed. And where they used to let their tiny dog pee.

Actually, we were extremely lucky. Sure it rained for two days straight and had big wind gusts. And parts of town did get flooded. Some folks even had big time boat damage and loss. But our town survived pretty well compared to the rest of the state. Heck, we only had some brownouts and got to sit around watching team handball without feeling guilt for not leaving the couch. (On a side note I have come to love team handball. Perhaps it deserves its own post).

Course now we're making sure to upgrade our insurance in case next time isn't so mild. Nothing like spending money that you don't have to protect against something that might or might not happen. If I were the landlord though I would look in to getting rid of that tree no matter how cool and Southern Gothic it looks.

Fay is coming

2008-08-20T00:24:00.005-04:00

We're waiting to see if our first hurricane is going to hit our home in two days. I imagine that despite the suggestions of the 80s German metal band, it will not in fact, rock us. Mostly I'm worried about wind damage to the scooters. I'm not scared exactly. Just nervous. They're not evacuating or planning to evacuate. Our back yard will probably fill up a few inches with water. It will suck. Some vegetation will get blown around making messes that will eventually get cleaned up. But how do we know for sure? Just have to wait and see.

But there are aggravations. I'm sick. Maybe. I went to an academic conference last week and didn't feel right but I thought it was just leftover airsickness combined with being at altitude making me feel not quite right. But I've been back for three days and it lingers. It's a strange mix of symptoms that keep alternating. How can I protect us from hurricanes if I feel dookie?

And on top of that now some pipe in the bathroom is leaking through the ceiling. Gonna be hard enough to get the landlord over here to fix it with the hurricane coming but I don't really like the idea that we could be without a bathroom for a couple of days while he tears up floors and ceilings trying to find out where the problem is.

I just want to watch Olympics and wait for the last few days before school starts so I can stop procrastinating about getting my syllabuses* ready.

*I just learned that syllabi may not be the plural of syllabus. Rather that technically no plural of the word is technically correct. Learning all the time. Even while waiting for Faye to wash us off the face of the earth.