I know what it means to leave New Orleans

Just got back from a conference in New Orleans.

It was a strange mix of work, fun, and self-analysis. I guess it is only fitting in a town with NO's reputation. When I first thought about writing it up, I thought about doing some sort of diary entry, spelling out the day and what occurred of note. That almost seems too traditional and mundane to cover it.

Some highlights though:

I caught up with a friend from high school days. How do you overcome two decades of time? Amazingly enough I like to think we might have succeeded. Time will tell on that but I also feel I put to bed some of my lingering issues from then. I also learned just how much goes on that one is oblivious to knowing. We think we know most of the picture. Some times we have the equivalent to a snap shot and a piece of twine. Clues that we think tell a story but turn out to be far short. I also had the best cup of coffee I've ever drank.

My life never stops being surprising or entertaining. I saw a horse cop ride half way in to a karaoke bar and dance on the back of his mount to a hip hop song (yes, I and several of my friends sang at the bar. No, I was not the person on stage at that moment). I got to witness part of the New Orleans Red Dress Run, an excuse to drink and for many participants to cross dress. Just now I remembered that I saw two tranny hookers. At 1:30 on a Saturday afternoon. I had someone explain to me and a friend in much more detail than was called for the details of his heart attack.

I had several of the nicest meals of my life. In case you were wondering, haute cuisine appears to be about reducing food down to its essence flavors. A feast for the senses. Very indulgent. I highly recommend it. But at the same time there is something analytical about it. The experience gets in the way of the nourishment. Comfort may not be a transcendent experience but it sticks to your ribs. Some times we feed our body. Some times we feed our soul. Haute cuisine falls somewhere between those two poles. I'm glad I got to do it.

Actual conversation (slightly paraphrased) that happened to me on the streets while I was taking a photo:
Strange woman who may or may not have been hitting on me: "Can you answer a question for me?"
Me as I realize she is not going to walk into my shot so I can take it: "I can try."
SWWMOMNHBHOM: "Why are guys such douchebags?"
Me: "Testosterone."
SWWMOMNHBHOM: "Really?"
Me: "Yes."
SWWMOMNHBHOM: "That's it?"
Me: "Yes."
SWWMOMNHBHOM: "How do you get them to stop being douche bags?"
Me: "Hurt them."
SWWMOMNHBHOM: "Wha?"
Me: "You've got to hurt them in such a way that makes them realize how much they are hurting other people."
SWWMOMNHBHOM: "Oh. That won't work. He's always going to be a douchebag.....Oh no. Oh no! OH NO! OH NO! Someone is calling me a douchebag!"
At that point she ran down the street to have a half shouted conversation with someone she had seen walking towards us. And of course she was drunk. It was after noon. But her title was long enough.

By the time I left I was nearly crushed by the longing to see Wife again. We had been apart for over a week due to overlapping trips. Suck ass to a painful degree.

I also must say thank you to B.S. for being there.

And to E. and N. for new experiences and hopefully new friendships. And for making me feel welcome with the cool kids. I have no idea if either of you will ever read this. But if you do, I'd just like to say: "Porn."

It seems the most appropriate way to summarize the trip.

I'm so mad that I'm angry

This is not an April Fool's joke.

I've mentioned before that I have a love of Taking of Pelham 123. The original has a great story, low key but tense action, very clever dialogue and an amazing cast of actors. The biggest names though are Walter Malthau and Robert Shaw. It also has Ben Stiller's dad. If you haven't seen it, put it on your netflix and watch it already. Or Robert Shaw will make you regret it.

And tonight what do I see? They're remaking it. And what makes this worse? Robert Shaw is being replaced by John Freaking Travolta. It's not his fault but this just sucks so much ass. You know they're going to replace the low key tension and clever NYC style cynicism and humor with lame action cliches and high impact action. Because who needs clever writing when you can have explosions and car chases?

Get that action beat in, it's been almost ten minutes since something went boom!

So a big old screw you to Hollywood for remaking a movie that so did not need to be remade. Why make something new when you can just redo a movie from the 70s only in a worse version? Fuckers. Think this would happen if Robert Shaw was still alive? Let him tell it in his own words what would happen,

"Now, then, ladies and gentlemen, do you see this gun? It fires 750 rounds of 9-millimeter ammunition per minute. In other words, if all of you simultaneously were to rush me, not a single one of you would get any closer than you are right now. I do hope I've made myself understood."

And that's real.

Dear Internets

Sorry I didn't see The Dark Knight till this last weekend. I get why all the buzz, my bad.

Batman did seem a little un-Batman-like at times though. Just saying.

And who is going to be the bad guy in the next one? Running low on the really good ones.

I didn't mean to do it

I finished the grading I was going to do last night. Dog sat next to me looking sad since I was ignoring her to get work done. So I said to myself,

"Self, we'll just watch a little TV and give Dog some attention."

TMC was showing The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3. Next thing I realize it's 3:30 in the morning. Yay, 4 and a half hours of sleep.

But how can you say no to the combination of Dog hugs and Robert Shaw?

You don't. Robert Shaw will hurt you if you do.

RIP

As you may have noticed, Paul Newman died.

Cat On a Hot Tin Roof, The Sting, Cool Hand Luke, The Hudsucker Proxy, The Hustler, Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, Slap Shot, Road to Perdition, and so on and so forth. Go ahead, try and pick just one as your favorite

Instead of trying to write some sort of memorial that will just sound flat, I'll leave that to better writers on such subjects. I will state that he could play tough, funny, asshole, and sensitive all at the same time and make you believe it and in him.

Time to bump The Long, Hot Summer to the top of my Netflix list.

There will be cinema

So I recited my little reworked monologue.

There was some laughter and not all of it was just polite. And a few students mumbled things indicating they recognized the source. Most just sat looking confused. Which is what I more or less expected. At least I was amused by it.

And then later during class I found out that around 90 percent of them had not seen The Usual Suspects. And I wept inside a little.

"I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Keyser Soze."

I am a huge nerd

I prepared this for my first day of Principles of Cinema but I didn't finish re-editing it in time for the first class. I'm not sure if I have the guts to actually recite it but maybe, just maybe....

Ladies and gentlemen? Ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much for attending with us this morning. Now, I've traveled across half our campus to be here and to see about this class. Now, I daresay some of you might have heard some of the more extravagant rumors about what my plans are; I just thought you'd like to hear it from me. This is the face. There's no great mystery. I'm a Media Professor, ladies and gentlemen. I have numerous classes spread across this campus. I have many classes flowing at many credit hours per day. I like to think of myself as a Media Professor. As a Media Professor, I hope that you'll forgive just good old fashioned plain-speaking.

Now, this work that we do is very much a family enterprise- I work side by side with my wonderful students - I think one or two of you might have met me already. And I encourage my students to bring their questions, as well. Of course it makes for an ever so much more rewarding life for them. Questions means answers. Answers means education. So wherever we set up class, education is a necessity, and we're just so happy to take care of that. So let's build a wonderful class in St Augustine. Those answers are the future that we strive for and so they should have the very best of things. Now something else, and please don't be insulted if I speak about this - cinema. Let's talk about cinema. Now to my mind, its an abomination to consider that any man, woman or child in this magnificent country of ours should have to look upon going to the movies as a luxury.

We're going to study mise en scene here. Mise en scene means composition, composition means choices. We're going to analyze subtext here where before it just simply was impossible. You're going to have more subtext than you'll know what to do with. Cinema will be coming right out of your ears, ma'am. New ideas. Theory. Employment, education. These are just a few of the things we can offer you, and I assure you ladies and gentlemen, that if we do find meaning here, and I think there's a very good chance that we will, this class of yours' will not only pass, it will flourish.