Sunday, November 30, 2008

Another overheard

"You touch that bell again and I'm going to break your teeth."

Ahh, nothing like going to an all you can eat restaurant for hearing the love between a father and son.

Wife and I have a strange love for our local buffet feeding hole. It is not quality food but it is quantity and variety and sometimes that's what you are looking for in a meal. But the other customers really bring out an awful truth about me. I'm an elitist.

Bottom line, I have no love for rednecks. I mean, I want to be a good person and help those who are less fortunate than I have been. But apparently only if they are not stupid and mean.

I'm not too proud of this realization. And I'm skeptical that even with bringing this to my attention that I'll be all that willing to change. I'll try. But I'm betting that the next time I overhear someone threatening their kid with disfigurement by the fried rice I'm guessing I'm going to fail.

My fortune cookie was funny though. "Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent." How many errors can you find in the grammar or meaning?

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

And the winner is

The flu. Or whatever death bug I have caught. The inside of my mouth is tender from all the cough drops that I need to live. As a result the beard shaving is postponed till I am more laurel and hearty (yes, I know I'm ripping off Mel Brooks for that joke). The top voter was "Go to hell." Errr, I mean friendly mutton chops.

I'm just sick enough to be achy and annoyed. Not sick enough to say "screw the world. I'm staying on the couch with my movies and playstation." Wife has decided I'm going to the clinic if I don't get better soon though.

I'm not sure why she thinks I need to be "tutored" at the clinic. Course I'm a little congested I could be mishearing her.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Growing up sucks

I have this intense video game just sitting at home waiting to be played. And I'm at that point in the semester where I have to grade most nights. No time to pick it up and play.

"But Professor, semester break is coming up. You can play then," you may be thinking.

And to you I respond that you need to speak up, I can't hear you if you mumble. If I were a student that would mean tons of time to spend with it. But I have to prep a new class and revise a current one, seriously cutting in to my "me" time. At least I'm getting tattoo work done on Friday to help tide me over.

Life is pretty sweet when this is your biggest current complaint.

And the game is Okami for those of you actually curious. As the kids would say it looks "wicked awesome".

Monday, November 17, 2008

Polls are still open

Voting so far:

Mutton chops: 4
Chin strap: 1
Van Dyke: 1

I have an official type event next Monday so I'll keep voting open till then I think. Tuesday will be the big shave morning.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

When it's time to change

If you're a regular reader you are aware that I'm a man of many skills and growing facial hair is one of my best. But lately I've been feeling a little uncertain with regard to what to do next with it.

So I'm leaving it up to a vote by readers. Whatever the majority decides, I will do with my facial hair.

Wife has selected four options from the following illustration:

The four finalists are:

Chin Curtain
Friendly Mutton Chops
Petit Goatee with mustache (technically a Van Dyke but the Van Dyke illustration isn't a Van Dyke)
Soul patch

So pick one of these four and vote for it in the comments section.

Yes, you can tell me which of the other options you'd rather see, but pick one of the four as well. And if you're wondering currently I'm closest to the Zappa currently.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Hopping down the bunny trail

Many schools have famous alumni that are known across the country and world and help raise the credibility of their former institutions. These alumni are celebrated and promoted.

My current place of employment has a current student who is known across the country and it maybe the world. Well, her name isn't known. But her body and her nickname are. You may know her as Miss June. Yes, my school has a Playboy bunny.

Amazingly enough the administration is not trying that hard to celebrate this accomplishment. Go figure.

She is currently taking a media writing class and as part of that class had to write a magazine article. It could be argued that this isn't a true use of her unique skill set, putting her behind the scenes and not in the centerfold. But it is what it is. And for her magazine article she was assigned to interview the new Media professor. That would be me. Technically speaking I'm also a New Media professor. But I digress.

So I can actually claim till my dying day that a Playboy bunny once emailed me wanting to spend time alone with me. I will probably only make such claims while drinking however.

Prior to the interview Wife suggested I ask for an autographed copy of her issue. We soon realized that it would come off as way too creepy Uncle. Also I wanted to treat the interview seriously and the thought that I had seen her "cotton tail" would not help me with that. (Other euphemisms considered and rejected include "yum-yum patch" and "goodie basket")

Okay, first things first. The obvious. She was much smaller than I expected. Shorter and tinier. She also seemed to have more hair than the average person. Thicker somehow. Maybe it was extensions. But what I realized is how odd a crap shoot genetics is. How the right dominant genes have to come together in just the right way to create the right skin and bone structure.

I also really realized what a temporary thing beauty is though. If she's lucky and takes care of her self maybe she'll be one of those women who continue to remain pretty their whole life. On the other hand if I avoid major head trauma I'll probably remain smart without having to really do jack squat. I get to eat bacon and not feel guilt. Score one for brains over beauty.

During the interview the subject of pornography did come up. One of the truths of modern technology is how much porn has pushed many aspects of it. Home VCRs, especially VHS and DVDs, streaming video, pay per view. I could go on. Really, up until High Def. Because some things you do NOT want to see in High Def.

I also found out that Hef has a lap table that he uses to turn his bed in to an office. I have to admit that I wish I could spend all day in pyjamas and work from my bed. Not that I really put that much effort in to my wardrobe. And I do a lot of grading on the futon in the spare bedroom. How about that, I'm like a low budget Hef. Just with a lot fewer half naked co-eds around me while I work. He has many. I have none.

The one missed opportunity was being able to seriously ask her about why she did it. I mean I know all the cliches. "Blah, blah, blah, empowering, control of my body, liberated, pays well, exposure that I can use in my career, blah blah." But I study gender portrayals in the media. I'm aware of feminist theory. I hear my female friends complain about being treated like objects. And here is a young woman volunteering to be treated like an object, asking to be reduced to her body. How does she really feel? How does she deal with the knowledge that the guy she just met might have seen her naked and mentally views her as just a collection of parts?

How does she really feel about the creepy Uncles?

And even more important, is she going to write a good article about me? That's what is truly important after all.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Overheard on campus

I'm in such a good mood because the country did good on Tuesday that I'll go with a light hearted and short post. But look for my post on being interviewed by a Playboy Playmate in the next day or two.

Female Student 1: Don't go hang out with Jerry. He's a douchebag. Hang out with me instead.

Female Student 2: I know. But I promised.

Got to admire her being true to her word. Jerry might be a douchebag but she promised to hang out with him and she's going to go through with it anyway.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

You know what?

Fuck being nice. If you don't vote for Obama then fuck you for ruining the country I love.

I just couldn't hold it in any more.


On the outside chance anyone does show up here looking for a new post today, go vote.

Do it.

I say vote for Obama and Biden but even if you don't agree vote anyway. You have the right, use it.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

In hindsight I could have told you this would happen

So after all my posts about how much I love Halloween, how did I spend it? Let's just say there was no need to warn the authorities.

I did wear one of my very fine smoking jackets to work and it was successful. Or at least a bunch of folks lied to my face about how much they liked it.

Then Wife and I tried to go to a southern diner for dinner only to find out that it had gone out of business. So instead it was a trip to Cracker Barrel where we did buy some candy after the meal. During the meal I also had the joy of convincing her it was not the best idea to spend nearly 500 dollars you kind of don't have on eyeglasses you kind of do not need. Always fun to have to be the spoilsport asshole responsible one (I have a much longer post I'm working on about that topic).

This was followed by sitting on the couch while we listened to a remake of the War of the Worlds broadcast celebrating the 70 year anniversary of that historic event (I'll get to lecture on it this week in my Mass Communication class. Ask me about it if you're interested). Wife enjoyed it so much that she slept through most of it and then was too tired to sing Karaoke with me.

Yep, I'm a wild man. How did you celebrate?